Who’s Cris Cohen? Probably the funniest guy I know. And that’s saying a lot, because those of you reading this are all very funny, and likely pissed off now, because up until this point you thought YOU were the funniest guy I knew.

You all were the funniest at a point, and you may be again. In fact, I challenge you all to a hilarity-off. Whomever makes me do that thing where I laugh so suddenly and uncontrollably that I suck part of my soft palette up into my sinus, and make that kind of choking sound, and it kind of hurts and my eyes tear up and I nearly drool (it’s subtle and sophisticated for sure), that person will be the winner.

Because I am so self-involved, I likely won’t say anything, or announce who made me do the sniff-choke. But I will know. And that’s enough for me. (Again remember the self-centered-ness.)

To prime your comic pump, have a look at Cris’ take on a recent meal.

So funny.

I brought the SV to Thunderhill for two more days of lapping and learning. I feel like I really was able to improve my technique and riding form, and I shaved about 10 seconds off my lap times over the course of the first day. Awesome!

In day two, I took a couple more seconds off by the third session. I was carrying a bit more speed through the turns, and therefore braking harder to enter the following turns. In so doing, I started to fade the brakes, and I learned that brake fade is a crappy deal.

Braking hard into turn ten, I very quickly noticed I wasn’t slowing down. The brakes just weren’t having any effect at normal brake lever pressure. So I pulled harder. The edge of the track kept getting closer, and my speeds weren’t really coming down. Then I pulled MUCH harder, and bottomed out my fork. The ensuing tank-slapper* was really something. The bars started shaking back and forth incredibly quickly, and the bike was skidding left and right and left and right and boom. I went down.

The now-prone bike left the track much more quickly than I did, and apparently those frame sliders do a good job of keeping the important parts from getting scratched on the asphalt, but serve as vaulting poles when they hit the dirt. The bike careened away, and I slid on my back to the side of the track. Good times.

Check the pics. Pretty spectacular. I am totally fine. I have a bruise on my arm, and one on my hip. I am a little stiff, but that’s likely more from the exercise of riding for two days. I swear I am just fine.

The SV though - totalled. Given the options, I think that’s absolutely fine.

*See an example of this type of gnarly headshake in the video I shot from the previous day. This is one lap of thunderhill, starting at turn five. Download the video and then skip ahead to about 15 seconds before then end and watch the drama.

Having perfected my surly, disenchanted musician thing, I went for a number of years listening only to Steely Dan and the Sons of Champlin. Steely Dan engaged me musically and impressed me with compositional mastery, the Sons helped me to lighten up and reminded me that good music is supposed to make you want to dance.

Well, it was bound to happen. Music that ISN’T from one of the aforementioned bands has fulfilled me in ways that I thought I couldn’t (or forgot tthat I could) be fulfilled. I am listening to three albums, over and over, and I am smiling. Each of these albums makes me feel like the players were having fun when they recorded the album, not taking themselves too seriously, but taking their craft seriously enough to make the best product they could. Maybe I ‘m crazy, but that’s what I like.

Check ‘em out.

Percy Hill - After All
Muscially involving, emotionally fulfilling, and the soundtrack to good times. Can you beat that? Possibly the most mature band I have heard in a long time. They bring the grovve to a simmer, and never let it boil over. Just push it right to the edge, every time. Inspiring.

Jamiroquai - Return of the Space Cowboy
Jay Kay is so bad, he can’t possibly be any badder. And Stuart Zender on bass is like a fingerstyle funk textbook. How can you NOT smile when this is playing?

Young MC - Stone Cold Rhymin’
Before suburban kids were introduced to the chronic, hos, and AKs, we were dancing to this. And 17 years later, I remember why. Super fun grooves, actual musical changes, and my man Marvin isn’t content to just rhyme single syllable words. “Just Say No” is a horrible let down, but I can overlook it when I listen to “Know How” and hear rhymes like, “You think that it’s your destiny to get the best of me but I suggest you be: quiet, bro don’t even try it, from the East and West of me.” Plus, Red Hot Chili peppers bassist Flea is in rare form guesting on a number of tracks. Skip over “Bust a Move” if it has left a bad taste in your mouth. The album has a lot more to offer if you can seperate it from the memory of that awkward bra incident after the 8th grade dance.

In preparation for this track day at Thunderhill, I replaced the radiator, water pump, thermostat, and various other cooling components, and added M3 end links for my front sway bar.

The car ran cool, and cornered WAY flatter than the last time I was at Thill. That fact is doubly amazing considering that this time I ran on my V710s - which is essentially like cheating since they are so damned sticky. The car was inspiring.

I also ran a lap timer for the first time; by the end of the day I was pretty consistently in the 2:13:xx area, which makes me happy. I figure the car is tubby, but the tires almost make up for it, so the time seems pretty legit.

I shot some in car video during the time trial - note the extremely fast Evo that I nearly cut off when I got a point on my third lap. Also note the ridiculous line I was tryng through Turn 11. I have a tendency to early apex that turn, so I was making a concerted effort to wait longer than I needed to to try and change my ways. That is definitely NOT a line I actually thought would be faster.

Time Trial, NCRC, first 3 laps

You will also note the silence that is my car. All you hear is wind noise. Hard to shift. I plan to fix that soon…

I love my sister. Look how happy we are.

And yes, I am nearly 30 and I still play in my college marching band. Again, note how happy it makes me.

Good times.

I took the car out for it’s first autocross with the new setup, and I was very happy with the results.

I beleive I had the fastest time in my class (AAA) with a 58.050, and of course, as soon as I lent the car to a friend, he promptly showed me what it could REALLY do, and he got a 57.3xx. Thanks a lot Russ… (Actually, I was so impressed with his driving I invited him to be a co-driver for the season. So much for trying to win AAA!)

The in-car video action worked flawlessly, except that yours truly forgot to record my last (and fastest) run. Red mist clouded my brain and I couldn’t keep it together. Lame.

In any case, have a look!

Run five, BMW CCA Autocross at Marina - March 26, 2006

I need to lower the car to dial out some of the lean (see pics below) and attach my front sway bar to the struts rather than the control arms. After that, I need to settle in to the far-less-violent driving style that I think E36s require relative to E30s. My time behind the wheel of various E30s means I have grown used to really pitching the car around, and the extra weight of the E36 means that it doesn’t respond as well to that kind of behaivior; I could stand to chill out a bit and let the car settle. We will see.

Pics are all thanks to Mark Dadgar, BMW CCA GGC driving events coordinator and head cheese at www.justracing.com. You can see the car leaning a lot, and you can see the look on my face as I watch Russ drive the wheels off my car while I announce. I am stupefied. Heh.

I am extremely pleased. I just received my chasecam clamp mount for use with my Canon Powershot SD300 digital camera.

The camera is a super tiny still camera, but it has a movie mode, and I thought it might work for in-car or on-bike footage. I just completed an around the block test drive with the clamp attached to the topmost “ear” of my cheap momo seat (just over my right shoulder) and I am totally impressed.

Check it! (Right-click and save as please!) My first avi file.

Check back regularly for serious autocross and track footage! Oh boy! (I apologize in advance to Phil for philling his server to the brim.)

Just some random pictures related to the “Transformation” I wrote about earlier.

Note the custom seat brackets. I made them myself with my new welder. Thanks, Mom and Dad! Those are wire-feed welds, and I have to say, for my first project, they look pretty damned okay. I can’t wait to get more practice.

Bought me some race wheels and tires for auctocross and the occassional track day.

Light light light, and apparently these are four of the last twelve new Kosei K1 wheels in America. Old school. The pirctures are the same style wheels, but shod with 255/40/17 Toyo Proxes RA-1s. These pics were taken before I got to smashing the fenders with a small bar clamp and a jack handle. You can see that the tires have a small band of silver all around the outside where they were contacting the topmost edge of the bumper cover at the wheel well. A little tinsnip action took care of that, and I was able to run a whole day at Sears with no interference issues.

Thansk to Ramon LeFrancois for the use of the tires that day. What a blast! The car was killer on the track, and I probably drove as well as I ever have. Of course, that didn’t prevent Ramon himself from passing me, in the rain, in his ‘91 318is. Sigh. He is just plain quick.

Chris

Come on.

a) No one reads this. Seriously.

b) If you are reading this, sorry for a)

c) I don’t know four people with damnable ‘blogs (that’s right, that’s an apostrophe bitch) so I will likely get an incomplete on this assignment.

Here we go.

Four jobs I’ve had:

1. Grocery Checker (I maintain this is the best job I have ever had.)
2. Electrician’s Apprentice (I once drilled through a beam so thick that the bit dulled and woudln’t bite. Only then did I think, “Hey, what does this beam support, and why the hell am I drilling through it?’ I hope that house still stands.
3. Technical Writer
4. IT Project Manager

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Ghostbusters
2. Rushmore
3. Predator
4. The Empire Strikes Back

Listen, I don’t need your high brow judgement. So I need bad special effects in 75% of my movies. Maybe you need moving dialogue. I don’t judge you .

Four places I’ve lived:

1. Tahoe City, California - snowy
2. Davis, California - stinky
3. La Honda, California - Kesey
4. Oakland, California- homie

Four TV shows I love:

1. House
2. Every flavor of Law and Order
3. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
4. Curb Your Enthusiasm

Four places I’ve vacationed:

1. Yosemite, California

Seriously, that’s it. I grew up in freakin’ Tahoe, and I live in the woodsiest woods of La Honda. Where do I need to go? I am not worldly and I am as culturally ignorant as they come. Again, save your judgement, smarty pants.

I am too lazy to finish this now. How sad is that? ‘Blogging makes me exhausted.

Okay, it’s only been three days, and I am back.

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Pork Tenderloin and Applesauce
2. Chicken Parmigiana - or anything that is fried and cheezy
3. Nearly anthing barbecued, especially if there is squash somewhere nearby.
4. Totino’s Party Pizzas. Come on. You love them too. You just forgot.

Four sites I visit daily:

1. baye30.net forums - 80’s era BMW 3 series discussion
2. Bimmerforums - Discussion of BMWs, where only the Racing/Autocross section is worth a damn.
3. Craigslist - I practically live on the /car, /mcy, or /muc sections. Every day I think I am going to buy a new car, van, motorcycle, or find a band. And every day I nearly do.
4. Mirriam Webster online - Crappy dictionary, but a good way to win arguments.

Four places I’d rather be right now:

1. On a motorcycle
2. Driving a car
3. Anywhere on the road to my house
4. Napping

Four bloggers I’m tagging:

Uh-Oh. I am a bad netizen. I don’t read blogs. Except for Phil’s, and he tagged me. I broke the chain. I am sure to be afflicted with terminal acne.