So I passed it along to a friend. It has been a fun journey, but the M3 and the 328i need all my love right now.

It’s not you, it’s me.

Really. Well, it’s me and my desire for a big-ass van. Aw yeah.

The springs only come in certain lengths, none of which are appropriate for ancient German sport sedans. I therefore bought an angle grinder and many cutting wheels so that I could cut them to length. This, of course, means that the cheap springs were no longer cheap, since they required over a hundred bucks worth of tools and will likely also cost me a finger and four or five pints of blood. (I have never before used an angle grinder with a cutting wheel.) It also ensures that the custom springs will be ill-fitting and mismatched in terms of rate.

I love being cheap.

I’ll post some pics and a write-up on the 1600-2 page when I have this project completed. Well, that’s assuming I can still type at that point.

I made the new brackets to hold the seat about 11/8ths (I only had a tape measure… SAE sucks) over to the right – I am now VERY closely aligned with the center of the steering wheel. Major improvement. And the aluminum is so light! I am sure it will fatigue in 4 days in the middle of some switchbacks and I will be thrown from the car. Frankly, when it comes to this car, the further I am thrown, the safer I will be.

So, you know. Bonus.

I plan on making a bracket set that will allow the seat bottom to sit back at a slight angle (I like that feature of my e30 seats, and I have grown used to it) and I hope to remedy a little of the “offset” driving position attendant to all ’02s. The stock (flat) seats allow you to sit to the inside a bit, so you can line up with the wheel. The Recaros don’t let you skooch. I want the brackets to skooch for me. We will see. Check out the rust on the existing bracket. Krylon. It’s not just Superman’s home planet anymore.

Yeah, yeah. Krypton. Geek.

Got a new 32/36. Car idles. Incredible. Jetting was better on old Weber – I will be switching jets. I foresee lots of fiddling…

I need me some stiffer springs. And some shocks that aren’t Bilsteins. I just hate ‘em. The entire ‘02 community loves them, and I still think they suck. Too much compression damping, not enough rebound damping. If you don’t believe me – try this easy test.

Put on Bilsteins. Drive over some train tracks, or maybe frost heaves on the freeway. Pick your teeth up off the floorboards. Put them in a cup with some tea leaves, shake it all up, pour it out in front of you, and then KNOCK THAT CRAP OFF. Tea leaves. Come on. Ridiculous.

In any case, that part about the teeth falling out is real. The shocks are valved for maximum harshness over sharp impacts, and maximum floatiness over everything else. Isn’t that a little backwards?

Ah, forget it.

My Brembo “big brake kit” from a well-known parts house that I will call “Fighting Irish Engineering” has finally come together. But not without some serious interference issues. Check the pics – them be some tight tolerances. And that is AFTER I took a hand file to the calipers. They simply wouldn’t fit without some tweaking. Awesome.

My brake adjustment is equally great. The first wheel to lock up – passenger rear. Exciting. If I had teeth, hey would be all a-chatter with fear. (Stay with me. The Bilsteins, remember?)

Oh, and you actually begin to realize WHY the car was so cheap. Very quickly.

In my case, it is because everything is broken. Or so old as to operate as though it was broken. Which frankly, is worse, because it makes a new part harder to justify. “Well, this isn’t officially broken yet…”

Thus begins the ridiculous-parts-buying binge. Not only am I buying ridiculous parts (how many cotter pins can one man have?) I am buying a ridiculous amount of them. I have three boxes of crap to install, all of which is contingent upon the purchase of some obscure thing that I can’t remember.

As an example, I bought a Brembo big brake kit. Awesome! Aluminum calipers, vented rotors, braided steel lines – come on! This is car geek heaven. Unfortunately, I never received the pins that hold the brake pads into the calipers. I have 26 thousand cotter pins, 10 bobby pins, and one Bobby Brown cassette tape (My Prerogative), and yet no damned caliper pins. I had to have a friend machine some for me. This has been the story of these parts.

Or how about this? I have CV style halfshafts to replace my crazy “sliding” halfshafts (I can still hear Hanz and Viktor laughing about this one in the BMW design lab back in 1965… “Hey Hanz… check ‘zis out… Ve vill fill zem vis ninety weight GEAH OIL! And make ze boots clear so zat ze driver can check ze fluid level ven zey park ze car. But, no one vill do it because zey are so shtoopit! And ve add ze tiny drain plug on each side! So cute. So Shtoopit! Hahahahahaha!”) and I don’t have bolts to secure these new halfshafts to the differential.

I will get this done. But not soon.

The car was a blast right out of the box, but definitely needed new tires (something a little more modern than the 165/80/13s that were on it) a new carburetor (can you say BLACK SMOKE – If I was half as rich as this thing was running, I would be showing you this car on “Cribs”) and a new steering wheel (AVAST! My Mizzenmast be Mizzin’).

If I was being thorough, I would have to mention that it also needs seats, and brakes, and springs and shocks, and a new dash. Oh, and paint. And some body work. Did I mention how cheap this car was? It was cheap. And it drives. And in fact, it is a riot to drive. So fun!

In any case, I have installed e30 Basketweaves, shod with Falken Azenis Sports, a VERY used Weber 32/36 DGV and 2002 intake manifold (hooray for re-plumbing your coolant hoses…) and some kind of semi-period correct Momo steering wheel that is probably the best wheel I have ever turned. All of the goodies excepting the tires were found on ebay, and all were as cheap as an old French whore.

Sorry, that’s not nice.

But, wait, what’s the 1600-2 got to do with all of this? Except for a smaller motor, and a few cost-saving changes that set this “base” model apart from its brother in 1969, the 1600 was actually the precursor to the 2002. What does that mean for you? Well… How can I answer? Look within yourself, child. Know your heart, and you will find the answers you seek.

For me, it just means I will be looking for some extra horsepower and torque wherever I can find it.